Things I will be glad I did

They Grow Up So Fast! 15 Sweet Ways to Soak Up Your Kids' Childhood

Childhood is fleeting -- so try one or all of these easy ways to stop and cherish your kids while they're little

By Bonnie Vengrow

http://www.ivillage.com/things-do-kids-they-grow/6-a-522543?par=flpbd

Everyone always tells you that your kids' childhood goes by in a flash -- even though it never seems that way when you're changing a poopydiaper at 3:00 a.m. or knee-deep in Legos. But just when you think you'll have aninfant glued to your hip forever, suddenly you have atoddler on the run, a preschooler who can do it all by himself, a kindergartner who only wants to snuggle at bedtime or a grade schoolerwho so doesn't need you to walk her to the school's front door. That's why it helps if you soak up a few extra moments of sweetness while you can. Here, 15 easy ways to cherish your kids.

Be a kid again. When you set your kid up with a craft project, it's your job to make sure she doesn't eat the finger paint or try to put sequins up her nose. But every so often, roll up your sleeves and join her in the sticky, messy fun. Being on the ground together, making a pizza out of Play-Doh or building a robot out of popsicle sticks, gives you a unique glimpse into her budding creative process and lets you two connect in a whole new way. More importantly, it lets you really be present. (And did we mention it's fun?)

See things from your kid's point of view. What does the world look like to your kids? Hand over your smartphone (or a disposable camera if you don't trust them with youriPhone) and find out. Ask them to snap pictures of whatever catches their eye, and when the photo session is done, flip through the pictures together and ask them to tell you what they found so interesting. Their answers might surprise you.

Write them a note. Whether it's a goofy knock-knock joke in her lunchbox or a top 10 list of things you love about her taped to the bathroom mirror, giving your child a handwritten note is a sweet way to show her you care. And in this day and age, when it's so easy to get away from actually writing things down on paper, it just may become an unexpected keepsake.

Have coffee with your kid. Few activities mean more to your kid than uninterrupted, one-on-one time with Mom or Dad. Whether you've got time for an afterschool bike ride together during the week or carve out time on the weekend (with you and your hubs each taking a child alone for some special time), it's an investment worth making. Even a quick, 15-minute trip to get coffee (for you) and hot cocoa (for him) in the morning can have a resoundingly positive effect on your kid.

Ask them for a daily recap. It's easy to think that your kids don't want to dish about their day, but you might be surprised if you simply pose the question a different way. Ask your child to share the best and worst parts of her day and consider having everyone in the family do the same. Discussing the lows as well as the highs teaches your child that talking about a problem can help you feel better. And seeing you share your own challenges can nurture their coping skills as well.

Put your kids in charge. Declare an evening Kids' Night, where you and your partner treat the kiddos to a few fun-filled hours of their own design. Maybe you go out to their favorite restaurant (a treat for you, too, since someone else does the cooking and cleaning), or keep it simply by ordering a pizza and cuddling up on the sofa to watch a movie together. The point is to spend time together as a family and let your kids call the shots.

Play hooky. Gold stars are great, but if you really want to reward your kid for a job well done at school, let her skip a day of classes when there's nothing too important going on -- or even just that afterschool piano lesson -- and spend it with you instead. Treat her to lunch at her favorite spot and let her decide what you do afterward.

Write down what they say. Kids say the funniest things, but even the best stuff can be forgotten over time. The solution? Jot down those hilarious one-liners in a journal, a scrapbook -- or even just email them to yourself for posterity. When they're a little older, you can read your favorites aloud to your child. Writing down an entry may take a few extra minutes, but cracking up together over silly stories later makes it all worthwhile.

Do something spontaneous. Whether it's letting them put on their rain boots and jump in mud puddles, going out to lunch on a random Tuesday or making a spur-of-the-moment detour to get ice cream, surprise your kid every now and then. Chances are he'll still be talking about it months later.

Take measure of your kids. A lot can happen in a year, especially when you're young. Keep track of his progress by conducting an "interview" every year on his birthday. Record vital stats like age, height, favorite color, his best friend's name and his dream job, and ask him to pose for a picture (or take a selfie, if he's old enough). Read over what you wrote in previous years and marvel at how much he's changed and grown.

Start a family tradition. Decorate her door with streamers and balloons on her birthday every year, or bake (together) the same family-favorite dessert for every special occasion, or head to the farmer's market every Saturday -- it doesn't have to be complicated or fancy to become a meaningful family ritual that your kids will look forward to. (And maybe even try to recreate with their own families some day!)

Give him piggyback rides. Yes, he's perfectly capable of walking. But someday, Mama, he'll be too big for you to carry -- on your shoulders, in your arms or attached, koala-like, to your leg -- and you'll miss having that little monkey on your back.

Have a sleepover with your kid. Even if you already spend your nights with your kids sleeping next to you (or trying to get your kids back into their own beds), plan ahead to spend a night in their room. Whether you climb into the top bunk or throw sleeping bags on the floor, your kids will always remember the novelty of it all.

Kiss them. A lot. Never underestimate the power of a smooch or two. Now, while they'll still let you, pepper your love nuggets with lots of butterfly kisses, Eskimo kisses and super-tickly raspberries. Repeat often.

teaching kids to learn from failure

No one wants their kids experience failure, but it's one of the most important life lessons you can teach them. Here's why, and how to teach failure gracefully

By Deborah Skolnik

You've coddled, cuddled, and cooed. Now it's time to let your kid get his first hard knocks—here's why it's actually the kindest thing you can do.

What's the F word you're always shielding your child from?Well…OK, yeah, that one, for starters. (And boy, you came up with it quickly—how much Jersey Shore do you watch, anyway?) But actually, we're thinking of a different F word right now: “failure.” Because what's more important than protecting your little one from situations in which he feels he doesn't measure up?

Turns out there is something more important—and that's to go ahead and let him experience a letdown or two. Yes, believe it or not, a little bit of defeat can be a stepping-stone to triumph. “Think of the things you learn when you encounter and move beyond failure,” observes child psychologist Rahil Briggs, Psy.D., director of the Healthy Steps program at the Children's Hospital at Montefiore in the Bronx, NY. “You learn how to tolerate frustration, how to get creative and take different approaches to tasks, and also how to ask for help—all things that are necessary for long-term success in life.”

If that's true, why do so many of us try to eliminate failure from our kids' adventures? Ashley Merryman, coauthor of NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, says it's because we have the mistaken idea “that children are very fragile and that any bad outcome they experience, no matter how big or small, could damage their developing self-esteem.” But, she adds, “science has proven that it's just not true. Achievement builds self-esteem, not the other way around.” The takeaway: Bring on the fallen block towers and food spills! The scenarios that follow are ones you're sure to come up against. Here's how to handle them with aplomb when you do.

Fed Up

You've got a toddler? Oh yeah, Mama, you're gonna have some feeding fails, like the ones that sometimes happen at Goldina Erowele's house. “My husband and I will gather around our table with our eight-year-old twin girls and our two-year-old, Chizara, for a breakfast of oatmeal,” says Erowele, of Missouri City, TX. But Chizara can sometimes find the meal, well, grueling: “She gets frustrated with trying to scoop her oatmeal. She'll aim for her mouth, but then she'll fumble and it will go all over her,” Erowele says.

From hot mess to success: “My husband is a softie, and he'll try to help the baby,” Erowele says. “But I'm not as fast to rescue her. I say, ‘It's OK, Chizara! You can do it! Try again!’ I noticed that just this past Saturday, she had a little bit more confidence.”

Extra tips from the experts: By being a cheerleader—not a feeder—Erowele's on the right track, says Robert Epstein, Ph.D., a research psychologist who's studied success and failure extensively. “You want to be supportive without rushing to do everything for her, since this is a task she can only learn through trial and error.” Of course, you don't want your child to go hungry either, adds Renée Leff, an Encino, CA—based marriage and family therapist who specializes in infant-child mental health. “If she really isn't getting much into her mouth, and is becoming very distressed after a few minutes of trying, it's time to help her guide the spoon or to switch to another food like dried cereal that she can pick up with her fingers,” she says.

No matter what, expect a mess. Don't fuss over the splashes and splatters: “Your child will absorb your expectations [if not the oatmeal],” Leff warns. Keep encouraging her, and eventually she'll feed herself flawlessly—or at least as well as your Great-Uncle Sydney.

Big Sibs, Big Inferiority Complex

Nico Botticelli of San Diego is 2 years old, but wants to do all the same things as his 4-year-old brothers, Gabriel and Reese. “He'll try to climb on their bikes, then he's sad because he can't reach the pedals. Or do a puzzle with them, but can't make the pieces fit. When he realizes he can't keep up, sometimes he'll cry and stomp his feet and shout ‘I DO IT!’” says his mom, Laureen.

From hot mess to success: Botticelli does her best to provide toddler versions of things the big bros like—say, a ride-on toy for Nico to enjoy while Gabriel and Reese are biking. She'll also sometimes adjust their schedule so he won't feel as overwhelmed: “I'll say to his brothers, ‘OK, guys, let's do something that all of us like till Nico's nap,’” she says. She also makes a point of letting Nico practice puzzles and other skills while his sibs are in preschool: “Sometimes it's easier for him to try when they're not around,” Botticelli says. “Sometimes they'll say ‘You're too little to do this!’ and then he gets discouraged.”

Extra tips from the experts: It's smart of Botticelli to give Nico opportunities to attempt new stuff without his big brothers refereeing. “Older siblings will sometimes assume a parentlike role, telling the younger child what he can or can't do, or doing it for him. When that happens, it's fine to say ‘I'm the mom, let me handle this,’” says Briggs.

When Botticelli makes mistakes of her own, she can model how to handle them in stride, too (“Oops, I just dropped my ice cream cone!”). “The key is to normalize failure so your child knows he's not the only one who doesn't get things right on the first try,” Epstein says.

Less Than Letter-Perfect

Madeline O'Malley, 4, of Rockaway, NJ, knows all about failure, from A to Z. Actually, one letter is getting her down. “They're practicing writing in preschool, but Maddie can't make an ‘X,’” says her mom, Cate. “Her lines are wiggly or won't cross properly. Maddie gets really worked up.”

From hot mess to success: O'Malley reminds Maddie how far she's come. “I tell her ‘Just think, last year you couldn't write your whole name, and now you can. Give it a little more time and I am sure you will be able to make an X, too!” O'Malley has also drawn an X and put a piece of tracing paper on top of it to give Maddie a template.

“Show your child that he's not the only one who doesn't get things right on the first try.”

Extra tips from the experts: Maddie's mom is doing a super job of boosting her confidence, Leff says. What would also help, she adds, “is to simply tell her ‘You know what? That might be too hard or you right now, honey,’” she says. If Maddie still wants to practice, she and her mom could make a single X together with a thick marker. Then Maddie could put glue on it and sprinkle it with glitter. Another option—make a connect-the-dots X for Maddie to finish.

Losin' It

Connor Gouge, 5, of Holly Springs, NC, totally digs playing the card game UNO—until someone beats him. “He can get sad or sometimes even have a tantrum,” notes his mom, Irene. That's a scenario many parents know well.

From hot mess to success: Gouge never stacks the deck in Connor's favor. Instead, before she deals the cards, she strikes a deal: “I say we'll play three games no matter who wins or loses, as long as there's no whining. If he whines after losing a round, then it ends all play and we try again after a fifteen-minute cooldown. I tell him ‘I love playing with you and spending time together. If you win, I'm happy, and if I win, I'm happy. It's just for fun!’”

Extra tips from the experts: It's fine to halt the play due to tantrums. Just don't tell your child not to have one: “At this young age, they simply don't quite have the coping skills. They give really strong, honest, emotional reactions,” says Briggs. And while rigging games isn't cool, consider giving little kids a few extra points at the outset, or the occasional do-over, if there's no way they could win in a fair match, recommends Leff. She also suggests not picking up with the same game after a tantrum. Instead, try a different, non-competitive activity, such as coloring.

“At the end of playing UNO, as long as Connor's at all able to, we always shake hands and tell each other ‘Good game,’” adds Gouge. Good sportsmanship is something that never fails to help a child—or adult—in the long run.

parenting article- learning from failure

When praising backfires

The Curse of Praise

I thought this was a great article. It is something that we are taught to practice in classrooms and now it is time to transition that into the home. I think it's a great read.

By Amy Hackworth. Image by Pewari.

“You’re so smart!” “You’re such a good girl!” “Wow, you’re amazing!”

If we say these things to our children, it’s always with the best intentions. But ohhh, our good intentions and their unintended consequences.

Psychologist Carol Dweck and her colleagues recently published research that documents the effects of person praise — things like “you’re smart, great, amazing” — and how we’re not doing our children much of a favor by touting their overall awesomeness.

When compared to children who receive process praise­­ — praise for their actions or efforts — children who receive person praise are less likely to engage in and prefer challenge as they grow older.

“’You’re great, you’re amazing’ — that is not helpful,” Dweck said. “Because later on, when they don’t get it right or don’t do it perfectly, they’ll think they aren’t so great or amazing.” 

And if they aren’t great or amazing anymore, the alternative looks pretty bleak. Children who believe their awesomeness depends on continual awesomeness find little room for mistakes, and risks become particularly dangerous. With the weight of a label — amazing, smart, awesome — to manage, children are less likely to focus on the success or value of their efforts, or to engage in challenging work that could jeopardize that label.

A related study (links to a PDF) suggests that rather than praise intelligence, educators “wax enthusiastic about students’ strategies” with sincere, specific and deserved praise. While all of this research fascinates me, this might be the most compelling finding, and one of the greatest gifts we can give our children: when we focus on strategies — children’s hard work, creative thinking, problem solving and effort — rather than their general brilliance, children learn to see intelligence as something they control, and they develop a belief in their power over other behaviors, too.

So of course I still believe that my kids are particularly smart, terribly clever, and all-around beautiful, but I’ll be much more careful about how I share it with them.

Will this research change how you talk to your kids, or do you already wax enthusiastic about your children’s strategies? As a child, were you person-praised or process-praised? As a parent, which comes more naturally to you?

P.S. I highly recommend reading the PDF detailing another of Carol Dweck’s studies of praise and performance in 5th graders. Kids who were praised for their intelligence on an easy puzzle challenge later performed poorly on a more difficult challenge, while kids who were praised for their hard work on the initial challenge performed better on the difficult challenge and reported enjoying it. And there’s so much more! It’s a fascinating read.

http://www.designmom.com/2013/02/the-curse-of-praise/

Tips for successful potty training

Rosie to the Rescue: “My Tips for Successful Potty Training”

January 17, 2013 at 4:45 pm , by GoodyBlog

Check out blog posts by Rosie Pope, star of Bravo’s “Pregnant in Heels,” every week at Parents.com! 

With New Year’s resolutions made, perhaps even broken and re-made, you might be thinking about some for your kids. Perhaps one is that milestone of all milestones: to potty train!

Before you start to fret that your little girl or boy will never get there, just ask yourself: Have you ever seen someone walk down the aisle, wedding dress or tux-clad, in a diaper? The point is, your wee one will eventually be potty trained and while you can push him (or her) to do it early, it is far better and easier to wait until he’s ready. And, I promise, it will happen way before he gets married!

In order to tell whether your wee one is ready, check for these signs:

*Able to pull pants up and down
*Tells you when he has a dirty diaper, and has words for pee and poop.
*Can sit quietly for 2-5 minutes–and therefore has a chance of staying on the potty long enough
*Shows interest in the bathroom
*Able to follow basic directions
*Is in the age range of 18 months to 3 1/2 years old
*There are no other big changes happening for your child, like starting school, recovering from illness, moving into a toddler bed, etc.

If you think your child is ready then you also have to make sure you’re ready. So:

*Are you able to be at home for two full days?
*Is there anything else going on that will make it hard for you to focus on this and be positive and upbeat? It can take a lot of patience.

If you are feeling like now is the time and all these items are checked, then I say go for it, making sure to keep an incredibly proud and positive attitude and never letting your wee one feel disappointed or embarrassed if he has an accident.

These pointers should help you reach your goal:

*Watch some potty-related DVDs, or read some bathroom related stories.
*Make sure to push modesty aside and show your child how the whole process works. Make a point of buying “big-kid” underwear as something really special.
*Consider a sticker chart and reward system, although many children will feel rewarded in the success of being able to use the toilet independently. However, if a little extra incentive is needed, that’s okay too.
*Make sure you return to the potty every 30 to 60 minutes for those first two days until your child gets the hang of it.
*When potty training, tackle daytime dryness first, and use pull-ups at night.
*If your child isn’t sure where to stand or sit, you can buy a special potty or training seat. For boys, draw around their feet on a box by the toilet, so they know where to stand.
*Make sure to always go with your child to the bathroom, and keep the atmosphere relaxed.

With all these tools you’ll be sure to get there and before you know it, you’ll hear the sound of the flush and you’ll realize your little one just went to the potty and didn’t even tell you! I cried the first time this happened. I know: totally crazy, but it made me feel like the next step was college. I was getting a little ahead of myself….